It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this boner is exhausting
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
