U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
