god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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