The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
