Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
