Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
