He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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