Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
