mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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