his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
