Pappa wants mamma naked
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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