It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize