I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize