how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
