when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
