I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
