overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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