I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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