i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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