It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
