Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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