why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
