how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
