I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
