I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
