WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Rumble strips road head = magical
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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