She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
