critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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