Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
