Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
