They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
