you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
