Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
