i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
