Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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