Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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