i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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