Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
