Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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