Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
