My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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