you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
