i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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