The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
