I cockslap morals
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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