I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You pole danced in your parka.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
