So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
