I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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