it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
