he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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