he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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