She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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