Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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