I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
