90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize