Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
