Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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