I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
