So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
