It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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