Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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