Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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