paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
