So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
