Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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