Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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