she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
