Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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