Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
