Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
