a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
