Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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