It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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