When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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