my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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