he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
