idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
