My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
