i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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