I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
