Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
