We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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