Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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